Lost.

My heart aches today. As I write this, I am holding back tears.

A co-worker and friend was killed last night. I received a phone call about an hour after it happened.

I had just finished a run. I was hot. Drenched in sweat and sitting in front of the fan, attempting to stretch. My phone rang and for a moment, I contemplated letting it go to voicemail, but then I thought better of it. I wouldn’t be getting a phone call at that hour on a normal week night.

I don’t think I will ever forget that moment.

I nearly dropped the phone.

My first reaction was shock. I sat in disbelief as the details kept coming. I didn’t want to believe it was true. Afterall, I had just seen him that afternoon. We joked about a race we were both doing in September. Then I harassed him about doing his time sheets. And he grinned at me and laughed.

The heat from the first day of summer didn’t match the numbness that took over as I tried to believe what I heard.

This wasn’t possible.

He was 26 years old. A whole life ahead of him.

A few tears came but it was still an abstract concept. I wasn’t fully aware of what had happened.

I didn’t sleep much last night. I prayed for his family, his loved ones and for him. In between, I tossed and turned.

This morning, I pulled into the parking lot at work and realized the full weight of what had happened. And I cried. Tears have been coming all day as the impact of what happened hits me at random moments.

I walked past his desk a few times this morning and still find it so strange that he’ll never sit there again. Everything is just as it was yesterday…untouched. Just…silent.

That is what is making this so hard, the silence. I work in an office full of people. Loud people– constantly laughing, yelling and playing jokes on each other. And today, there was nothing.

Just silence.

Rest In Peace, J.W. You will be greatly missed. God bless.

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4 Comments on “Lost.”

  1. rachelocal says:

    So sorry for your loss, Noelle. I can relate. Today is the first year anniversary of the death of my dearest friend Jane. A brain tumor claimed her and she left behind an adoring husband and two beautiful babies. I understand your pain. It’s weird, doesn’t make sense. Someone so young, just gone. I will pray for you tonight and for J.W.’s family. God bless…

  2. Rachel, thank you so much.

  3. […] People I love have passed… but I’m keeping their memory alive and working to do great things in their honor. […]

  4. […] you’ve been following my blog for a little while, you know that in June of 2012, I lost a co-worker and friend. It was all of a sudden and it was really hard. Our whole office felt it. But, we decided to do […]


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