No Regrets. Part II

When I left you earlier today (click here for part 1), I had just finished telling you about the grocery store incident. Eek. I apologize to everyone for that behavior. So unladylike.

To backtrack, it’s really hard to go from seeing someone everyday, calling them, having them know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling to having them completely cut out of your life. It’s like …death.

But sometimes it takes something really awful to realize how strong you are…and to find out that you need to make a change.

The weeks following the breakup, I was forced to face some cold hard truths.I had been so focused on him that I had forgotten who I was, what I wanted to do, and how to be happy…I had forgotten how to live on my own. I started a journal. I started making goals. And I started doing things that made me happy. I started going to church again, writing again, exploring the city again, and getting my life back on track. I am extremely thankful for the people who stuck by me and helped me through this time.

It was in November, that I finally started realizing I could be happy without the ex…that I could be happy alone. I was realizing that it wasn’t my fault, and though I still struggled with it, I knew that it was meant to be. And it was best for both of us…this was of course, after the scene in the grocery store.

I made the drive home for Thanksgiving shortly after. It was bitter-sweet. I hadn’t been home in a quite some time and I was nervous. I didn’t want people to ask questions. I didn’t want to deal with their surprised faces and their feeling sorry for me. I didn’t want to face my mother. I had waited a lot longer than I should have to tell my family about the breakup. I wasn’t ready to deal with it and I wasn’t ready to deal with their questions. My mother was one of the last people to know- She had found out from someone else and well…she wasn’t happy about it. We had gotten in a big fight about it and hadn’t really talked since, other than me telling her that I would be home.

I was happy to be home, to see my friends and be with family. My mom and I patched things up but she still pressed me for details, which I wasn’t ready to give. It was after a conversation like this, that I drove to a friend’s house to visit with her family and catch up with her on the latest gossip at home. I was still seething.

It was a day or two after Thanksgiving. My friend Ben stopped over to the Johnson House  shortly after I did. I hadn’t seen Ben in a long time, we’d kind of lost touch while we were both away at school and …life. He was back in Plattsburgh. I hadn’t wanted to deal with questions, and I think he sensed that, but he listened while I talked to Vanessa and …let’s just say it was pretty obvious how angry I was. Poor Ben, he probably didn’t know what to think. I appeared to have lost my mind!

I left shortly after he had arrived and felt bad for my behavior. So I texted him, basically saying that I was sorry for how I acted and for running out, but it wasn’t a good time. He  texted me back saying that “it was okay.” And if I ever needed to talk that I could call him. He’d been through a bad breakup too. And that was all he said, nothing more. He didn’t press me for details. He just left it at that.

I didn’t know what to think at that time, but I knew that I felt so much more at ease around him than other people. We both had damage. We didn’t need to talk about it, but it was also okay if we wanted to. That struck a chord with me.

A few weeks later I called Ben on his birthday. Shortly after, we started talking. Every single day. In January we went out on our first date…and became “exclusive” shortly after. In May, I moved back to Plattsburgh. The following March, we got engaged and we were married in August. And it never would have happened if I hadn’t been dumped two years prior.

So to The Ex, we had some good times and you taught me a lot, but it wasn’t meant to be. Thank you for being a part of my life for so long and thank you so much for breaking up with me. I am eternally grateful. No hard feelings, I wish you all the best.

It’s so funny to look back on how much my life has changed. 2 years ago, I never would have thought that I would be back home…much less married! But here we are today; I am married to an amazing man who understands me, accepts me and loves me each and every day. I am so thankful for this. I am also extremely thankful for the times of self-reflection, change and not knowing what will happen next. I am thankful for friends (old and new) and family who stuck by me and helped me through, whether it was a good time or a not-so-good time. And Ben, thank you so much for not writing me off as a crazy, woman scorned two years ago.

The happiest day of my life.

Like I said, no regrets.

A Magical Drive…

So…this is my first post… not that I am nervous or anything, I just haven’t blogged in quite some time…..not since Myspace…and I deleted my Myspace a long time ago.

I’ve decided to call this a lifestyle blog-which means that I can blog about whatever I want (I’ll admit, it will usually involve cooking, wine, exercise, my super handsome hubby, and random things that happen to me)-but I’ve struggled with what my first post should be about, I mean, as the first post, it really sets the tone for …everything. So, instead of introducing myself and going on about my interests, I am going to tell you a true story-that hopefully gives you an idea of who I am…

Picture it. August 20, 2011. A winery. An absolutely gorgeous day, after a summer of flooding, humidity and endless rain. It was sunny, warm and the vineyard was in full bloom. A happy couple exchanging vows and beginning their lives together, posing for the photographer. A relative who drank too much (sorry, Chris). That was my wedding day…but that’s not what this story is about.

Now… fast forward a month or two. Photos of this wonderful day have been posted on facebookdotcom. But the actual photo CD has not yet been received. If you are a bride, you know how frustrating this is. I emailed our awesome photographer (Shout-out to Jona!) and found out that she had mailed the disc weeks before. No big deal, she would resend. I mean, she only lives two hours away, so ideally I’d get the copy in a day or two.

A week later the photos were at the back of my mind, as I was still in recovery mode from a nasty cold and a bit of a rough trip to Philly (you’ll read about that, too). I got home from work-it was a Monday night- and headed to the mail box. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the envelope with Jona’s address on it! YES! The photos were finally here! I hurried inside, dropped everything I was carrying in a heap on my dining room floor and ripped the envelope open. I pulled out a note from Jona and…nothing else.

WHAT?! There was nothing in the envelope?! What sort of cruel joke was this? I looked down and noticed a small tear in the corner of the envelope.

“No…. that doesn’t actually happen,” I thought, but my mind was already racing, jumping to conclusions and envisioning some punk kid with a mohawk tearing into the envelope to get out the thumb drive. What a bum!

I went over to the heap on the floor and proceeded to examine it carefully-just in case I had dropped it in the rush-but there was nothing. I even went back outside and retraced my steps to the mailbox, just to double check. Still nothing.

“Ugh! Why does this stuff always happen to meeeeee?!” I thought, because clearly, nothing worse can happen than having to wait for a thumb drive or a CD. Feeling quite discouraged, I emailed Jona and felt a bit better knowing that she was as shocked and frustrated as I was. We planned to make an exchange that weekend (Ben and I would be in her neck of the woods)…unfortunately, Ben and I had a change of plans so Jona mailed us another copy of the photos, third time is the charm, right? And it would only take a day or two, right? I gave Jona my work address, just to be sure.

That was a week ago. Still no photos. I’ve been checking my mailbox and the work mailbox like a mad woman-hoping against hope that today will be the day!

And for once, it was…but not in the way that I expected.

I was sitting at my desk typing away when my phone went off (apparently “silent” means buzzing loudly and moving around on my desk). I scrambled to hit the ignore button, but not before noticing that Mary, from the Amazing Grace Winery was calling me (She’s the best!).

“That’s weird,” I thought, but I knew she’d leave a message so I waited. I then called myself, itching to find out what was up.

Basically, she had received a small package and a note from the post office. It was a thumb drive. The note said that the contents of the package had been separated from the original envelope and that they had looked at the contents of the thumb drive to try and determine where to send it. Luckily, there were lots of photos of the winery, their logo, and their front lawn sign. Mary remembered me telling her that I was waiting for photos and was rushing home to double check that they were indeed mine.

Yeah, I almost fell out of my chair. All I can say is that God has a great sense of humor. I will be calling Mary immediately (as soon as a I get out of work, shh!) and hopefully going to pick up that thumb drive! Keep your fingers crossed that she wasn’t playing a joke on me!

So, in closing, My name is Noelle, and this is my life. Hopefully, you’ll tag along.

Wanna take a drive with me?