Five Things: Rochester Edition

Hi Friends!

I figured it was high time for another blog post. Two posts already in 2018? I’m on a roll! As you may have noticed, my content has changed a bit… will it be like this forever? I don’t know, but we are going to roll with it…so thanks for sticking around as I figure out what this blog will look like in the future!

Today, we’re going to have some fun!

As Farmer Ben and I have settled into our new home, there are a few things that I already love about living here. So, I thought I’d share them with y’all!

1. Favorite Restaurant-Cedar’s Mediterranean: A friend introduced me to this place. At first look, it doesn’t look like much but this place has some of the best Lebanese/Mediterranean food AND it’s on the cheap! The staff is incredibly attentive and the food is fresh. The Baba ghanouj is hands down the best I’ve ever had, especially paired with homemade pita bread, served warm. Ben and have made this place a regular dinner spot.

2. Favorite New Find-The library. I love books and reading. I’m not sure why it took us so long to check out the library but I am so glad we finally did. When you walk in, you are instantly greeted by the smell of coffee. There is a small self-serve coffee station (supplied by a local cafe…and it’s all $1!) next to the entrance. If you keep walking past the front desk and all the way to the back, there is a fireplace with comfortable chairs in front of it. I’m thinking this is going to become my new favorite place to work.

3. Favorite Place to Shop-Wegman’s: This is really a no-brainer. If you’re a long time reader, you know that my love for this grocery store runs deep. But living right down the road? It’s awesome. Ben and I are still learning the layout, but we love it. Typically if we go shopping in the morning, I’ll sneak over to the cafe and grab a coffee to have while we shop. Win-win!

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4. Favorite Routine-Morning: I touched on this in my last post but I am digging my morning ritual as of late. I am definitely NOT a morning person… But, with my flexible schedule, I’ve been able to establish a new routine and I have to say, I love it…mostly because I take my time instead of rushing around. I usually wake up, turn on the diffuser (I’m currently loving the combo of Young Living En-R-Gee and Pine) and make breakfast. Then I’ll sit down, eat and drink some coffee and read for a bit before getting into work/errands. While super simple, this really helps me stay grounded as I head into my day. So…while mornings are still not my favorite (I’m a forever night-owl), I am enjoying this slow season.

5. Favorite New Movie/Soundtrack-The Greatest Showman: Ben and I went to see this a couple of weeks ago and I am obsessed! I know that this is a wildly inaccurate depiction of PT Barnum’s life but it is such a feel good movie! I’ve been listening to the soundtrack non-stop and am fairly certain ALL of the songs are going on my workout playlist and we are definitely buying this movie because who doesn’t love a good musical? Am I right?! If you haven’t seen this, go, NOW!

So that’s it! These are some of my current favorite things!

What about you?! Do you have a new favorite restaurant or movie? What do your mornings look like? 

2018: The Year To…

It is January 5, 2018.

That feels strange to type.

As I write this, I am sitting at my dining room table, next to my diffuser, a snowy scene out the window. It is really stinking cold outside (6 degrees with a real feel of -18 degrees).

Today, I literally walked back and forth around my apartment and listened to the Bible App to get some steps in and catch up on my reading plan (I get motion sickness if I try to read and walk at the same time). I just don’t want to go outside. I’m conducting my first funeral service tomorrow and still have some prep to do on my message (Side note: This is also strange to type)…and I start a new class on Monday. It feels weird after taking a couple of months off.

A few days ago, I reflected on 2017. Today, we look ahead. Onward and upward, am I right?!

So, it’s 2018.

Ben and I are starting the year off feeling a bit more at home in our new city and we are making some plans and looking ahead to what God has in store.

Personally, I’m finally feeling like I am in a place to tackle some new challenges. I spent much of last year feeling hidden, stuck and a bit out of control. I am thankful for the growth that occurred but I spent a lot of time having doors slammed in my face (or at least it felt that way).

As I mentioned in my last post, something has shifted. I’m finally feeling God tell me to move. What does that means exactly? I’m not sure…. but I do know that our move and this new ministry position was part of it.

I go back and forth with New Year’s resolutions. Some years, I love them, others… I want nothing to do with them. This year, I’ve decided on a word for the year instead.

So, without further ado… My word for 2018 is Bloom…as in, bloom where I am planted.

I know that sounds like kind of a soft, flowery word (get it? ha!) but for me, it means to thrive, to grow and to push forward. It is getting back to the boldness that I haven’t felt in a long time.

Simply put, I’m tired of making excuses and I’m tired of apologizing. I’m tired of shrinking back. That’s not who God created me to be. This does NOT mean that I have to be the center of attention, and it doesn’t mean that I go into every situation with guns blazing, not by any means. I have learned to pick my battles (most of the time).

But it also means that I refuse to apologize for who I am. I refuse to “have to” explain or justify my decisions…and I refuse to apologize for being a woman called by God into ministry.

It’s not been easy to comes to grips with all of this. It’s been a very long and a very lonely road. But this time has also helped me figure out who my people are. It’s a short list but it’s solid.

If I have learned anything in the last year, it’s that I have to answer to God first. I’d love to say that I’ve always known this, but I think it needed to be reiterated (numerous times) over the last year. The thing is, if I feel the need to justify myself to someone, they probably aren’t going to change their mind, anyway…and that’s okay. It’s just not worth it. The people who really matter won’t need justification.

I learned this the hard way…and I spent a lot of time being offended and discouraged, but in the end, it’s made me more confident in who I am in Christ. That is what is really important. And as I continue to realize this, the less I feel the need to fight to prove myself. Instead, I’ve been okay to just… be.

And it means that I am finally ready to get back to what’s important… to blooming.

God has me here, in this exact place and at this exact time, for a reason. And I intend to use this time to do His work. To continue to grow and mature and to do something new for Him! I’m feeling that it’s time to get to work! I suspect the same can be said for each of us. At the end of the day, no matter what anyone else says, we matter and we have a purpose.

Paul lovingly writes to Timothy, in his second letter:

“Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:6-7, NKJV).

By shrinking back and worrying about what other people think, we aren’t using our gifts. Further, we aren’t doing God’s work and we are doing the people around us a disservice. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to look back and realize that I missed out on an opportunity for fear of offending someone.

Now I know what you’re thinking… how can we love people if we end up offending them? But that’s just it! It’s high time that we speak truth and we fan into flame our gifts BECAUSE we love others! Again, it’s that idea of picking our battles. What are you wiling to let slide and what are you willing to fight for?

This doesn’t mean that we do more. And it doesn’t mean that we say more. It doesn’t even mean that we go full force into battle every day.

Instead, it means that we obey.

We choose to follow Christ. Every single day. One of my favorite quotes sums it up perfectly. “You go where you’re sent and you stay where you’re put and you give what you’ve got” (Jill Briscoe). And in doing that, God is going to work in us and through us. Even if we don’t see it right away. Even if we never see it…we choose to obey. We keep going and we follow through.

That is what Bloom means to me. It’s the follow through.

So, that’s what 2018 is-The year to bloom. What’s  in store remains to be seen…but I’m okay with that. The best is yet to come!

source: ifgathering.

Let’s chat! What does “Bloom” mean to you? Do you have any big plans for 2018? Word of the Year or Resolutions? 

On 2017

I have always loved New Year’s Eve. It’s probably my favorite holiday.

After the sparkle and shine that comes with Christmas, and the few days that follow in a bleary-eyed, sugar hangover and haze, New Year’s Eve gives us time to reflect, reevaluate and plan ahead. It gives us the opportunity to look at how the highs and lows have shaped us and what we can do to keep moving forward. It also gives us the space to spend time with our favorite people.

For the last few years, Ben and I have spent this evening with our close friends. Last year, we went snowshoeing in the Adirondacks, and later re-grouped and spent the evening eating a delicious meal, playing games and reflecting on what was 2016.

This year is different. Ben and I still plan to make delicious food but that’s where our plans end. I know I’ve said this in my last post, but it all still feels pretty strange.

I’ll just come out and say it, 2017 was brutal…and I’ve got a lot of damage.

I’ve questioned my call, my faith and my relationships. People who Ben and I thought we could trust let us down in VERY big ways and some walked away completely, we were harassed and bullied for doing the right thing on many occasions and many things fell apart. I think the worst thing was to watch people for whom I care deeply suffer and I wasn’t able to help or I simply didn’t see it until it was too late. This is not to say that 2017 was all doom and gloom… but many of my expectations about ministry and about life were completely shattered.

2017 feels like a really long-drawn-out war; battle after battle has been fought and there is a ton of wreckage. Simply put, a lot happened that wasn’t supposed to happen. I have said to Ben multiple times, “It just wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Now as we come to the end of it and survey the damage, it kind of feels like I am finally waking up from a bad dream.

But even in that, there is new life springing forth. There is still hope.

Something has shifted. As strange as it sounds, I feel that God released us. We were told to move forward and doors opened. Some of the struggle finally came to an end. There was also a lot of healing and forgiveness that took place in a short amount of time. There is STILL a lot of healing and forgiveness that needs to happen, but it IS happening. And there is STILL joy, even in the midst of much sadness.

Choosing joy each day sounds really nice. But..this practice does NOT come easily. That said, I firmly believe it is what got me through the toughest days. I can NOT look back on this year and only see destruction because it is inextricably linked to (albeit fleeting) moments of joy, of gratitude and of celebration.

So as I consider this year, what feels like the longest year of my life, I have to say that I am still grateful. I am coming out a bit worse for wear, but I’m stronger and I have grown. My people are stronger. And we are so blessed.

I’m still here. And God is still here. We are moving forward.

Again I stress, this is not a post to say that this year was all bad. There was much to be grateful for and much to celebrate…but I don’t think the celebration and the joy would have meant as much without the heartache.

As I close this post, I cannot help but think of John 1, verses 1-5. It reads:

“In the beginning the Word already existed.
    The Word was with God,
    and the Word was God.
² He existed in the beginning with God.
³ God created everything through him,
    and nothing was created except through him.
⁴ The Word gave life to everything that was created,
    and his life brought light to everyone.
⁵ The light shines in the darkness,
    and the darkness can never extinguish it” (NLT) 

This is a strange passage with a lot to take in, but my biggest takeaway is that Christ was there in the beginning. He was there on the cross. And today, He is still here. He IS that light…and He is with US!

No matter what we are going through, Christ is fighting our battles with us…even when it doesn’t feel that way! He overcame death itself, and He is still fighting for you and for me.

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So as we close the book on 2017, my prayer is that we can rest in the knowledge that though we may be a bit bruised up from the past 12 months (I know I’m not alone in this), we are so much stronger than we know. And we are NOT alone in the darkness. Not ever.

This gives me so much hope. And joy.  I pray it does the same for you.

Christmas Eve Eve

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I can hardly believe it, can you? This last month passed in the blink of an eye! I am just now stopping to gather my thoughts.

As I write this, I am currently sitting in a Panera staring out the window at the falling snow. I’ll probably regret this decision as I’m driving home later but for now, I’m enjoying the view.

It’s been a strange few months…Ben and I are settling in to our new home.Still, calling Rochester “home” still feels odd. We have had some really neat opportunities come our way but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss our friends, family and the different traditions we’ve had with them. One moment I’m so happy we are here and the next I still feel we are so out of place.

Christmas is different this year. Not that that is a bad thing, it’s just feels foreign, unfamiliar.

An example of this is that I am leading worship for tomorrow’s service. This is my happy place, my comfort zone and one of my favorite ways to serve and connect with not only God, but also other people. It is easier for me to build relationships making music than it is doing almost anything else. And yet… I miss my old worship team. They were my tribe, a second family. It’s very bittersweet. I’m already bonding with this group yet it feels so strange singing with new faces.

Everyone here has been wonderful. I know it is just going to take some time, but it makes for an interesting balance.

This morning, I was so excited thinking about church tomorrow and spending Christmas with my family (who are now only an hour and a half away!) and then I went to check our PO Box. It was filled with cards from people from our old church and two packages from some of our closest friends.

I got in my car, opened and read a few of the cards and promptly burst into tears. I don’t even know why! As bad as it sounds, I just wasn’t expecting it.

Moments like this one make it hard.

These moments make it feel like we walked away from our people. And in many ways, I suppose we did. But then I think about some of the circumstances we left behind and I am reminded that we are here for a reason and we absolutely made the right choice. So, we are continuing to trust God as we look ahead.

I guess I am writing all of this to say that yes, we are so glad to be here, in our new home…but we are still adjusting. Change–no matter how good–is never an easy thing and I want to be authentic about where we are in the process.

Overall, I think I am just incredibly humbled by how well we have been loved by people in this new home and in the last one. When I stop and think about it, I am completely overwhelmed.

It can be very easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of Christmas and shopping and programs…but I want to take a moment and remind myself (and you, reader, if you don’t mind) why we even celebrate this holiday. As I think about how wonderful people have been, I cannot help but remember that God is even more so!

One of my favorite verses in Scripture is John 1:14, which reads, “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth” (NKJV).

The word “dwelt” literally means Jesus literally came and tabernacled among us. He set up camp here–and made a home here!–to be with US. And He still does that today, as long as we are willing. It means that we have to humble ourselves. It means that we die to self and we choose to follow. But it also means that we are loved beyond our wildest dreams and that we are never alone. It takes my breath away. 

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As I go over the last year, especially the last three or four months, I cannot help but see how much God has shown up for us. Even in the moments when I felt alone, He came through, whether it was receiving a text or getting a mailbox full of Christmas cards. Or just feeling that peace that comes from knowing that we are taken care of by the Creator of the Universe.

If you are struggling today, know that you are not alone. Know that you are so loved. And that God is with you.

Immanuel. God. With. Us.

Merry Christmas!

Looking Back

Oh hey, it is January 2017. And nine months have passed since my last blog post…My bad. I suppose I should do one of those 2016 recap posts. So grab a cup of coffee because this is going to be a long one….

If I am being completely honest, 2016 was tough. I had gone into the year feeling that I had finally gained some solid footing in most areas of my life and work, only to have that stripped away. A lot of things happened last year and I still find myself asking God, “Why?” I have been hesitant to write…. I have not known what to say and frankly, it is kind of embarrassing. Aren’t I supposed to have my stuff together? Am I allowed to share my mess in this little corner of the internet? But I am feeling God push me to do so, and here we are.

2016 held a lot of hurt, doubt and frustration.

Two close friends quietly disappeared from my life and I am not sure if I will ever get an exact answer as to why…regardless, it hurt. It still hurts, even months later. As I processed (and some days, still process) these losses, I cannot help but wonder if it is me.

Am I a terrible person? Did I do something wrong? Or did we just outgrow each other? Is it because of my faith? Do I have a terribly irritating personality flaw? As much as I hate to say it, I may never know. That unknown is the most difficult part.  I find it creeping into my other relationships and as a result I hold people at arm’s length, wondering if I am too much of a burden or a hindrance. This is something I have to continually give to God and trust that He knows what is best. As you can imagine, it is easier said than done.

As I come to terms with this, I realize that God is using this to draw me closer, forcing me to rely completely on Him. Again, this is hard. A lot of pre-conceived notions have been stripped away and at times I feel raw, like Eve, standing completely naked in front of Him. And yet… He is so good! He simply takes me as I am and asks only that I follow Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV).

Even after all this time, it is so hard for me to grasp this. Grace. I am so flawed, and yet, He loves me anyway. My prayer is that as a minister–as a human being–I would be able to give even a small portion of that grace to those I interact with. And this cannot be done apart from God.

2016 was also a time that I was able to grieve an event that occurred several years ago. At the time, I thought it had no effect on me but for whatever reason, it came to the forefront last year and I finally dealt with it. It was hard. Harder than I ever would have guessed. But I like to believe it has made me a far more compassionate person and it is something God is using to refine me.

Work is an area in which I have always felt confident, but working in ministry is different. This year held so many changes and un-answered questions. So many questions. Life does not make sense…and sometimes that really sucks. In my line of work, we see the best of people, but we also see the worst. We see amazing God-things happen, but we also see terrible things happen to good people. A lot will simply not make sense this side of eternity. And for the sake of being transparent, some days this burden is not easy to carry. I do not like to broadcast it, but I am a very sensitive person. I have BIG feelings, always have. Dealing with people as intimately as I do, this makes things messy. When I see someone hurting, I hurt for them. And it is hard to talk about–who do you talk to???

Still, God is there. Patiently waiting for me to come to Him. Whispering, “Be still, and know” (Psalm 46:10 NKJV). And again, I am completely overwhelmed by His grace, that we can bring absolutely anything to Him.

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16 NKJV).

It still takes my breath away.

It would be unfair to mention a portion of the bad  without mentioning some of the good. And there was a lot of good!

While there were many hard days in 2016, I was never alone (even if I felt that way). Ben was–and is–a huge blessing to me and I could not imagine doing this life with anyone else. We celebrated five years of marriage last year and while each year holds unique challenges, I like to think we came out even stronger than before. I have never met someone so patient and understanding. He has taken on my ministry–a task he didn’t choose!–without batting an eyelash. Frankly, I don’t give him enough credit for this. I would not be able to do what I do without his support.

It still amazes me the people God has placed in our paths and the friendships we have formed; People who have encouraged and supported us, but also told us when we need to rethink something. Sometimes, it is difficult to be honest and I am glad to do life with people who love us enough to tell the truth, even if it may be unpleasant. This last year, I desperately needed that. I had so many insecurities come to the forefront, things that I had not thought about for years, and I needed a lot of loving (and sometimes brutal) truth. I have learned that we cannot go through this life alone. We need people to hold us accountable and sometimes, to pull us along. We’ve had the opportunity to experience adventure, heartbreak, worship, prayer, tears and pure joy with this group. I am so grateful for each one of them.

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:3-6 NIV).

It was also a huge blessing to help with the baptism of some of the teens I work with. Making a public declaration of Christ is reason to celebrate! These teens continue to challenge me and surprise me. I am encouraged by the wisdom and the love for God some of them possess at such a young age. It is incredibly humbling to have the opportunity to be a part of their faith journey. This is something that I do not take lightly and while it is not for the faint of heart, God has shown me amazing things through these kids.

2016 was also the year that I was granted my first district license in the church of the Nazarene and I was able to preach my first sermon. I still cannot believe that I am in this position. Looking back on my life, I never would have guessed that I would be here. This only could have happened through God’s grace. Again this is not an easy task, but I have found joy in the small things; hearing answers to prayer, seeing people come to Christ and spending time, sharing burdens and celebrating the small victories with hurting people.

This is hard work. Some days it is downright overwhelming, but still I am blessed. And I am looking forward with hope.

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13 NKJV).

Photo Credit: A. Clark

Cheers to 2017!